Friday, March 16, 2012

Live Today

So, a few responses from yesterday's post.  Of course, most of them from AW who's creative mind is always full of great ideas.

This isn't one of her ideas, but I was thinking about this while on my ride yesterday.

I think a lot about this as well as I've mentioned it several times on the blog.  Making the most of the moment.............realizing that things usually be a lot worse then they are.

One of my very first blog posts was about my thyroid issues.  Yesterday while riding and even more recently a little health thing with my wife reminded me of that time.

Several years ago, I believe it was 2004, we were out camping and out of nowhere I had this very weird feeling come over me.  It is so hard to describe, but it was one of panic and anxiety.  I wasn't flipping out or anything, it was just a weird feeling in my head that I had no explanation for.  It was about midnight and I had no explanation for what was going on.  I called the doc the next morning from camp and was given a million explanations.  Most were leaning towards gastric related causes (no clue why).  Odd as it may seem, my gallbladder became the focus.  Again, no reason or explanation why my gallbladder would cause these symptoms (cuz they wont:) )  I was scared to death to anything fattening as I didn't want to stress my gallbladder at all.

For several weeks I had very small episodes of the same thing.  I remember calling Dr. Robertson from the hospital one evening after finishing a set up on a patient.  I had noticed my hands trembling more and more.  I've always had shaky hands and never thought much of it, but he suggested having a thryoid panel done.   Of course all was normal. 

As time went on I noticed this feeling of my heart pounding harder.  Trying to sleep was miserable.  My pulse was normal, by blood pressure was normal, but the pounding feeling of my heart was driving me crazy.  By now I had been to 3 different doctors, all saying my thyroid numbers were normal.   One doc, again suggested gastric or gluten related issues.  When riding my bike I had noticed an intense burn near the bottom of my esophogus.  Reaching for just about anything, I went with this diagnosis.  I had an endoscopy done which did show some scarring on the esophogus from gastric reflux. 

Two weeks later I was having surgery to fix the problem.  I don't remember the name of the surgery but it's where they loop the bottom part of the esophogus (lap nissen or something like that).

Here's the weird part..........For almost an entire year, my symptoms were gone.  I felt great.  Another weird thing is that I could eat like crazy and not gain a pound.  It was my best year on my bike as well.  I was lighter and stronger than I had been in a long time.

Then one day while I was at the bike shop, I had another episode.  Only this one was a bit more severe.  I felt flush, my heart was racing, and again the anxiety.   Then it went away.  Once again, the pounding heart feeling came back.  And once again, all thyroid tests were normal.

This episode scared the heck out of me.  I called Kevin Earlywine who I had been riding bikes with.  Like him or not, he's an angel in this story.   I get to his office and they run all sorts of EKG's and blood tests.  EKG looked a little funny but at the time I didn't think much of it.  I left the office to go on another delivery and get a phone call.  I get a call from Kevin's office saying they had just spoken to Dr. Pearlstein (another even bigger angel) and he wanted stat labs including cardiac enzymes. 

Ok, I'm 30 years old at the time, worked in medicine all my adult life, and I know what their looking for when they order a cardiac panel.  My heart sank.  I kept a strong face as I was getting my blood work drawn, but as soon as I left the office I lost it.  I took every back  road I could possibly take going home and I think my top speed was about 5mph.  Was I really only 30 years old and possibly just had a heart attack???   Thankfully the enzymes were negative for a heart attack.  The problem was still undiagnosed. 

I'm compressing 2 years of misdiagnosis into one brief story.  Heres a few:  Gallbladder, Abdominal Cyst, Misfiring of the heart (don't know the technical term), pituitary, pulmonary hypertension, allergies................

The worst of all things begin to enter into your mind.  Especially when you have kids.  I spent countless nights just lying in my recliner scared and worried about the future.  For months, I still had no diagnosis.  The pounding feeling of my heart was the worst symptom.  I couldn't get away from it.  Sleeping(or trying to) or awake, my heart just pounded. 

Every thyroid panel I had ever done (and I had over 15 done) came back normal.  The numbers fluctuated but were always in the "normal" range.  I put "normal" in quotes because if you are one with a know thyroid disorder, you know what I mean when I say everyone has their own definition of normal. 

More and more tests were done.  Finally Dr. Pearlstein took me on as his patient.  I had known Dr. Pearlstein from riding bikes.  The guy is like 60 years old and kicks butt on bike.  I had stress tests done (two of them) and a cardiac cath all of which came back normal.   Then one day he calls Kevin and says, I don't care what the labs say, I want an ultrasound on the thyroid. 

My life was changed from that day forward.   Dr. Cavanaugh got me right in (thanks Jones) and sure as heck, they found an autonomous hot nodule on one lobe of my thyroid.  This is a nodule that is unregulated and releases thyroid hormone into the blood without cause.   This rush of hormone caused rapid heart rate, anxiety, tremors, etc.  Two years in the making, I had a diagnosis.  Two weeks later I took the pill to destroy my thyroid.   

Now on a daily dose of Synthroid, my TSH at .8, I haven't had a problem since. 

Now back to the whole point of this post...................... This was almost 2 years of hell (just ask my wife).  I was miserable to be around and couldn't focus on anything.   I was scared to go anywhere and just became sort of a recluse trying to run a business. 

All I wanted was to be normal and healthy again.  So here I am several years later.  Normal (depending on who you ask) and healthy.    And once again, taking life for granted.   So ya see, life can always get worse.  Bills to pay??  Someone piss you off?????  C'mon,  pick your butt up and move forward.  Crap happens (it sounds better if you say "shit happens") but for the most part most of us are pretty damn lucky.  

Make the most of it people.  Maybe God brings these challenges into our lives for us to cherish the better times.  To cherish the life we have been given.  To love those around us.  To make a difference. 



Side note:  Like I said, this is a very compressed version to the entire story.  It was the most miserable time of my life.  To be doubted by doctors is the most helpless feeling.  In total I was seen by 6 doctors and specialists all who judged me by my lab numbers.  Over a 2 year period, I almost lost my company and became the worst husband and father possible.   I don't ever wish this on anyone.  What I did learn was that it's up to the patient to take control of his/her care.  If you doubt your dx or treatment, ask for a second opinion.  Or heck ask for 6 of them:).  To this day, I'm so thankful for people like Dr. Pearlstein, Kevin Earlywine, and Jones Cavanaugh.  All other docs were beginning to think I was crazy (I'm sure Jones was pretty close to thinking I was nuts)   They hung in there with me and kept searching until they found the correct diagnosis.  They weren't led by numbers on a paper, but by symptoms and the patient they had come to know.  To this day they have remained good friends.  Thx














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