Give

I believe that we as human beings are put here to be selfless, to step out of our comfort zones and make a difference in the lives around us. I was helping my son with his homework the other night and read something that really caught my attention. I'm not even sure of the subject, it was either Bible or World History. The question had something to do with man's greatest downfall in the "eyes of God". The answer, sure it was written by a human but I have to agree, was selfishness. Humans are the most selfish of all God's creation. Everyone is out for themselves. Just look around, can you really argue with this idea?

We as humans need to work on the quality of our relationships. Do you ever just lend an ear and honestly just sit and listen. No advice, no comments, just sit and listen. People need an ear, they need a shoulder, don't be afraid to give it. Give up 5 minutes of your precious time and just sit there and listen.

Do you ever just watch people and wonder what's going on in their lives? Do they look like they have it all? Do they look like they have no problems in the world? I used to think so. No matter how tough, how weak, how rich or how poor, everyone has something going on. Maybe they have issues with they're parents, with they're spouse, or with they're friends. Over the years as I've been blessed to have people share so much with me, I find that we all have something going on that we wish we could change. Nobody has it all. They may act like they do, but so far I've yet to see it. Everybody needs someone. As I mentioned in my loneliness post (that I later deleted), people need love, they need compassion. Whether its a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend.... we all need someone. A selfless someone. In such a selfish world, can you imagine how much better things would be if each of us would just give a little more?

What a Week

What an unbelievable week. Last week was one of the most emotional weeks I've had in a long time. I can't even remember how it started, but I don't think I've ever saw so many teary eyed people in my life, myself included.

I can't help but get emotionally attached to some of our patients. I know some people preach against this especially in the medical field, but really that's why I love this business so much. When you're in the business of helping people, if you really want to make a difference, I don't think you can help but get somewhat attached to your patients.

About 5 years ago, I helped a woman from St. Johns get a power wheelchair. Over the years her as well as her daughter and son in law kept in touch with me. I was also able to get her this really well built aluminum ramp so that she could ride the chair up into her house.
Being that we have the hospice contract, we also had the pleasure of taking care of her husband before he passed away last year. Anyway, about 4 months ago, her power chair was having some major problems that in no way was Medicare going to pay for. As luck would have it, we had just had another power chair donated to us. I called her to offer the chair and within a few hours, her son in law was there to pick it up. Things like this, I really don't think much about. Things just seemed to work out and everyone was happy. In May, I got a thank you note from her. These kind of things mean the world to me. When someone takes the time these days to send you a note through snail mail, it means something.

As time passes, you just get busy with everyday life then things happen you never expect. On Monday of last week I get a call from her son in law. Usually this has to do with some sort of problem they are having with the wheelchair. He actually called to let me know that she had passed away. I was blow away. I had just saw her two months ago and she looked great. This woman had beat cancer 3 times. I guess the cancer had returned once again and she just wasn't able to tolerate the intense chemotherapy.

Having the hospice contract, I'm used to people dying. There are just some that send you for a loop. After the phone call, I really just needed some time to myself. A few moments alone and I thought I was good to go. The following morning, the daughter and son in law show up with both power chairs for us to donate as well as some thank you goodies. They stayed and talked a while and all was good. Yea Right. The son in law is a big fella. Not fat, just a big hard working blue collar kind of guy. One of the nicest guys I have ever met. I bet he was the best son in law any mother could ever ask for and I can tell his wife just adores him. Anyway, as they were getting ready to leave, he gave me the biggest hug and said thanks for everything. Ok, I was done. The tear gates were wide open. I didn't care who saw this time. These people are the reason we do what we do. It's people like this that make you want to wake up every morning and kick some major butt in the "helping people dept".

Not a day later, the husband of one of my patients, one whom I've had for several years, came in for a simple urinal. All summer long, I had given her oxygen tanks at no charge. I figured Medicare had paid me enough over the years, I wasn't going to worry about a few oxygen tanks. Every time the husband came in, he was always greatful for the service. Again, I thought nothing of it. When he came in last week it was to tell me they were heading back to the valley and with the diaretics they were giving her, she had to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes. Not something that was going to make a 2 1/2 hour drive very pleasurable. Fortunately we had a urinal, a female one nonetheless. I told him he owed us nothing. Just to take it and let me know he made it home ok. You could see the tears in his eyes which of course made wimpy ol me tear up. He gave me a hug and thank me for all we had done. What a great guy. You could tell he was exhausted from an entire summer of caring for his wife. It's got to be both hard and a bit scary caring for someone for whom you've spent your entire life with. I know he was scared for her too. In just the few years that I have know her, her health had deteriorated quite a bit. It's so hard sometimes knowing that one day, someday she wont recover. This is when life gets really difficult. How do you console the spouse. This is when life isn't fair. All the reasons to live every day to the fullest. Live with no regrets. Love like you've never loved before. Look around,do something special for someone. It's what were expected to do. You man not get that chance tomorrow. Pay it forward.

With that, comes the next post..............

Is it really Monday

Wow!! Is it really Monday already? Not quite, but in about 4 hours it will be. I could really use a few more days added to this weekend. So much to do yet so little time to get it done. Yesterday (Saturday) was pretty uneventful. I spent the majority of the day cutting and threading gas lines. We had a propane furnace put in 2 years ago and I've yet to finish running the gas lines to it. Honestly, I've never had the luxury of just moving a switch to get heat. Even in college I had a wood stove. Other then the inconvenience when your out of town and coming home to a cold house, I have no problems with having just the wood stove for heat. I've heard though that banks will not give you a loan if wood is your primary source heat. Hmmmm, go figure.

Like I said, Saturday was uneventful. Sunday on the other hand was a great day. It started with waking to such a beautiful morning. After the hard rain last night, the morning dew and cooling cloud cover just made for the best morning. I got up early,(well early for a Sunday) headed to StarBucks for my Cinnamon Dulce Latte, then headed to the office for a few hours (ok I know its Sunday, but my grandma always told me that if the ox is in the ditch, you are expected to get him out. I'm unable to keep up with paperwork while only working 5 days a week, so basically my ox is in the ditch all the time).

After pretty much just moving piles of paper from one place to another, I decided it was time to spend some time with my boys. First came Ryan. We decided to go find some fresh pavement and downhills to expand our skills on the longboards. Oh my gosh what a blast. First we did the paved trail along the Pinetop Country Club. That quickly became quite the workout so we headed over to Rim Road which has some pretty good pavement and some good hills. Now this was fun. Much faster and not as much work getting back to the top of the hill. We rode for about 2 hours then headed to McDonalds for a quick bite to eat. After eating, we went back for another hour of boarding. My legs were shot but what a great time.

As soon as I got home, my 8 year old hit me up for a game of catch. So we grabbed the gloves and played catch for about an hour. I always slack off after little league season, but it always feels good to throw a baseball around. Minus the dent we put in my wife's expedition, it was all a good time:).

Then walks out little 2 year old Keevan. Kneepads, elbow pads, a catchers mask, and a bat. "Daddy I pitch today" is what he proceeds to tell me. So for my final activity of the day, I attempted to get my two year old to hit some wiffle balls. What an awesome little boy. Out of about 30 pitches, I think he hit a total of 3. Not once though did he ever want to stop. His daddy gave out before he did.

I couldn't ask for a better day. What I wouldn't do to have more just like it. Being that tomorrow is Monday, I can only expect work work work and I'll come home to homework,homework, and more homework. All to continue for the next 5 days. I'm already looking forward to next weekend (my birthday, Dear God I'm gonna be 40).

Fear

"You haven't even come close to reaching your true potential. "   Has anyone ever told you that?  Have you ever thought about how far you could go if "fear" was taken out of the equation.  Fear surrounds us.  A lack of faith is based on the fear of the desired affect not happening.  I'm guessing that most of us don't ever reach our true potential.

 Look at my little league kids for instance.  They go up to bat "wondering" if they're going to hit the ball or actually get hit by the ball.  The kids that go up there with no doubts, the ones that instead of wondering IF they're going to hit the ball they wonder how hard they're going to hit the ball.  It's these kids that are more successful at the plate. 

I think this is true of most things.  I think Michael Jordan said, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take".  If you don't take that first step, failure is the only option.  Losing or failing should not be in the thought process.  It's the act of trying that makes all the difference in the world.  In my younger years, I was the prime example of this whole being afraid to try thing.  My dad never came out and said it, but losing wasn't much of an option.  I don't think I ever heard, "well at least you tried".   So growing up, I found it easier to either make sure I trained hard enough to win or find some excuse not to compete.  Fear dominated my way of thinking.  I wonder at times if this is why I opted out of going to medical school.  Maybe I was afraid of not making the grade, I don't know.   Problem is, I will never know, because I never tried.

As I've grown and really learned what's important, I do my best to teach my kids that trying is what builds character. Trying and even failing makes a stronger man as long as you continue to get back up and keep striving towards your goals.  I try not to let fear get the best of me as well.  Whether it be work, racing bikes, coaching baseball, etc..... it's a constant battle for me to beat any fears that try to invade this little head of mine.  I still hate to lose, but it doesn't keep me from competing. 

You can't be afraid of failing.  Who cares if you fail?  We all fail at some point.  Some of the most successful people in the world have failed.  Block out the pressures from the outside world.  Put away the fears and focus on the feeling of being successful.   I mentioned something like this during the weight loss challenge.  At your weakest moments, close your eyes and picture yourself succeeding.  Picture yourself running that 8 minute mile, or losing that 15 lbs.   Imagine the results then do what it takes to achieve those results.  If you stumble,  get your booty back up and start where you left off.  Who gives a crap what others think.   I'm willing to bet that most of us are afraid to take that first step because we fear what others may think.  If I've learned one thing as I've gotten older (hey, I'll be 40 next week), everyone has fears and insecurities, some people just seem to rise above them better than others.  So I hope that you will do your best to put your best foot forward and start something you've been wanting to do.  Put aside the fears and make the most of it.  Remember, it's not how many times you fall, it's getting up everytime you fall that makes all the difference. 

Back to the Real World

Well we're on our way back from San Diego. Actually we arrived in Phoenix about 8pm last night. What a drive. There's definitely not too much to look at on interstate 8. I can't say I'm really ready to be home yet. I was just starting to like the whole vacation idea. Get this......I bought myself a long board and I say this with all the humility in the world............I was pretty damn good at it:)   I've never been a skate boarder but this thing is fun. I'm nowhere near "great" on the thing, but so far I haven't busted my rear on it (at least so far).  I want to be really good at it so I'm going to find some cool down hill roads when I get home.   The boys and I even skated in the hotel parking lot up until almost midnight.  Totally dude!!:)  

The beach was relaxing, but when you have a very independent 3 year old, those relaxing times are few and far between.  Ryan and I spent all day Tuesday in the water.  What a blast.  I do have a not so pleasant item to share with you though.  Not sure if any of you know, but a lot of male runners and triathletes put band aids over their nipples to keep from chafing.  I never thought much about it.  Now, I'm in water that I'm guessing is about 58-62 degrees.  Not warm at all.  Cold water = perky nipples (there's you something to ponder:) )   Perky nipples don't go well with a wet swim shirt.  I didn't have access to band aids at the time so by the end of the day it felt as though someone had rubbed sandpaper all over my nipples (is nipples a proper term to be blogging about?)    They were super sore!!  Even putting on a dry shirt made me want to climb the walls.  All in all though, minus the sore boobies, the water was a blast.  The ocean is so awesome!!. 

I'll touch a little more about everything else we did later, but driving in this car and texting this on my phone is making me nauseous.  Oh one more thing............

Remember earlier I said there were beautiful people all over the place in San Diego.......well when you arrive in Phoenix and step foot in one of the malls............bye bye pretty people. Now I'm not trying to be mean here. Arizona people aren't ugly by any means, but tank tops and belly shirts should be left for those that were meant to wear them. There's a reason all my shirts are full length, my pants have a belt, and my shirts have sleeves.  Again, I'm not passing judgement on anyone (or at least not trying to), but let's leave the skimpy tight clothing to those with the bodies that do the clothing justice.

Oh and it was 70 degrees when we left San Diego. Only to arrive in Phoenix with the thermometer saying 107!!!!! Who lives in a place like that!!!!???

Well were going through Heber now and it says 71 degrees. Almost home!!!  Oh and I'm going skating tomorrow:)   Totally gnarly dude:)   (honestly I never heard one person say anything like that while in Cali) 

Rusty-------Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Living in the Moment

When I graduated from high school back in 1989, I was one of those kids that just "had" to leave the mountain and head to the valley. I only lasted a year in the big city, but I what I learned in that year was priceless. I was trying to go to school, but like many, I was completely broke. I had always had an interest in martial arts and just happened to find a job at a local karate studio. What they would teach me, I would pass on to younger kids during group lessons. I was fortunate enough to have a teacher whose whole goal was to immerse himself in the zen way of thinking. I was impressed with his confidence, his inner peace, and the quiet strength he had within himself. He was small of stature, but to see him fight was impressive. More often then not, he would have his opponent on the floor (quite often me) with little or no effort at all.

With each lesson, he tried to teach me his way of thinking. The Zen way. At 19 years old, my mind was full of all kinds of things. His goal was for me to "empty my cup". An empty mind has no preconceived ideas. It expects nothing yet absorbs everything. Living in moment is only possible with an empty mind. The mind must be vacant of all thoughts except for those that relate to what is happening at that exact moment.

This is an art that can take years if not a lifetime to master. The ability for the human mind to focus on a single second, a single moment, allows the body to maximize the experience. This is true of any possibe activity you may be performing.

Since I've coached baseball for so long, I'll use it as an example. Either on offense or defense, there is typically a million things going on the head of a player at any given moment. If you can get that player to focus 100% on that exact moment, the odds of making a mistake are next to nothing. One thing going through that players mind (whether they admit it or not) is the possibility of making a mistake. Think of the gratification that player would have if he could immerse himself in this exact moment. The beauty of making the play. Everything else in his mind is gone. No surrounding noise, no doubts, no fears, no thoughts. Just him, a little 3 inch baseball, and that is it. The ability to focus on this exact moment is hard. If you have ever tried it, it's seems nearly impossible.

An even better example is when your talking to a patient. Are you sincerly listening to that patient or are you artificially listening as to move on as fast as you can to the next patient. Have you given your mind 100% to that patient at that very time? Or are you thinking of how much you have to do today, or are you thinking about that arguement you had at home this morning, etc. Does that make sense?

Think of the possibilities, the gratification one could obtain and enjoy by living in the very moment something is occuring. Eliminate any thoughts that take away from the moment. Give that very moment, every second of that very moment, one hundred percent of your mind and body. Its a deep way to think if you're not used to it, but I promise that when you attempt it, you will find greater enjoyment and greater reward in everything you do.
Like I said, this a skill that is very hard to master. Give it a try. I wish I made this a practice in everything I do, as I know it would make each and every moment more special. It's something I want to start working on as a part of daily life. I want to give each and every person I'm with, all of my attention at the very moment I'm relating to them. I want to cherish every moment of every thing I'm doing. Deep stuff, but I think its obtainable. It allows every moment to have more value. Nothing is short changed.

I hope all that makes sense. I'm going to go back and proof read everything I just wrote. I sure it makes as much sense as I thought it did as I was writing it.

Best of luck with living in the moment.
Rusty-------Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Relaxing............trying to anyway

I've been in San Diego for about 3 1/2 days now.  Do you ever notice that when you're on vacation, you find yourself saying, "oh how I would love to live in a place like this"?   After all, who wouldn't want a cool little house just yards away from the beach.  Cool little shops all over the place and all the seafood restaurants anybody could ever want. 

After (Isn't the word "after" a preposition and you're not supposed to start a sentence with a preposition but oh well) considerable thought, I've realized that vacation spots are just that.............they are a vacation.   The beach is great, but the traffic is horrible.  There are people everywhere and a million roads to get you from one place to another.  I have a small house in Lakeside on an acre of land, here there are about 20 houses per acre.  No thank you.  My kids (or even me) can go out on our back porch and pee into the wind if they so choose.  If you try that here, I'm sure you would be peeing on someone else's property. 

Don't get me wrong, I think San Diego is  awesome.  I've had a blast boogie boarding with my kids. Even after sunburning my feet so bad that I can't wear shoes I've enjoyed the little shops down by the pier.  I think it's a great getaway.  I'm just trying not to be naive enough to think that I would want to choose this place over the beautiful town that I'm lucky enough to call home. 

The most cars we may have at  any given stop light may be 10 at the most.  Here you have hundreds in front of you most of the time.   In Pinetop, lets say you have a dinner date at 6pm.  You're safe to leave your house at 5:45.  Try that here and you'll be lucky to arrive by 7pm. 

Something else I've learned and am going to try to employ is the ability to enjoy more of  the beautiful surroundings in our beautiful little town.    Walking my dog, walks around the lake, leisurely mtn bike rides, etc.  People here are so laid back (I doubt I can ever master the "always laid back" trait), they spend their mornings surfing, grab a cup of coffee on their beach cruiser, go to their 9-4 job, get home, grab their dog, grab their beach cruiser, their surf board, and head to the beach (of course this is all an assumption).    Nobody looks stressed out.  Maybe God had me vacation here for a reason:).  It's a lifestyle that I'm sure leads to physically healthier life, but one I'm sure I can't adopt completely.  I enjoy work, but really do need to find some more down time.  It'll be something I'll work on when I get home. 

So if you're one of those that works all the time, take some time to enjoy the little things.  If you're one of those that is fortunate enough to make the most of the down time, I'm envious and will do my best to do the same. 

For now,  I hope you all have a great night.  Will try and post some pics later.

Excuse

Ok remember that I'm typing all this on my blackberry. The keys are tiny and I'm trying to type fast. Forgive any stupid typos or goofball mistakes. I really do know how to spell most things (hey I won my 4th grade spelling bee!!). So plz bear with me, any uncorrected errors in grammar and spelling.
Rusty-------Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Boy do I stick out

We finally made it to sunny California. As soon as we got here we unloaded our luggage into this cool little "bungalow" that we rented. When I say little, I mean very little, but it works for me. The boys were anxious to get in the water so they all piled on their swim gear and we took the 100yd walk to the beach.
This is where some redneck (although in denial) starts to realize he's out of his element. First, had my 12 year old not talked me into wearing my never worn pair of flip flops, I would have been the only guy wearing both socks and tennis shoes. Note: my major white feet and ankle tan line from my cycling socks make me look like I just got off the "hey I'm not from here" boat.
2nd, I've got cargo shorts on. Heelloooo Mcfly!!!! Where are the board shorts?!! Oh ya, in the suit case. I'm learning as I go.
Next, these people have gorgeous skin! Dark, tan, and smooth. Just the very dang opposite of little white boy from Arizona. These people are beautiful, dark,tan......oh ya I already said that, what I meant to say is that most of the women are beautiful and the guys are buff! I now know what they mean by the term "beachbody", and I know for sure I don't have one. I'm 40 yearls old (almost) and the only tan I have is from my mid thighs to my ankles and from my shoulders to my finger tips. Anything else is likely to be as white as it was the day I was born, maybe even whiter. Odds are that when I head back to Arizona, my tan lines will be in the exact same spots:).
Ill share some more later about the neighborhood (u know your in california when........). But its almost 11pm and I'm wore out. Looking forward to my first full day of vacation tomorrow. Good night.
Rusty-------Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Just Left Yuma

Well we just left Yuma. Not a moment too soon cuz I can't stand the heat. It's 104 right now. We were just walking out of Target and I heard a little girl tell her mom "mom, it's hot" and the mom says, "it's not hot yet, wait till next month". Are you kidding me??!!

Something else that takes a whole new light is the huge expansion of land that the border patrol is responsible for. This is just nuts! All you see is sand every where you look. Oh and the thermometer now says 106. Ok I know I sound like a guy that doesn't get out much, which is pretty much true, but I've never seen so much friggin sand. I haven't been through Yuma since my uncle graduated from Marine Corp. boot camp in 1977. I was 6 years old!! Wow! I am getting old!!! I'm sorry but I'll take pine trees any day of the week.

Ok just crossed another border patrol checkpoint. I've got to rant for just a second. We can send 90 million dollars to China yet these guys are asked to work in 106 degree heat in order to keep us safe. Our
priorities are so jacked. Ill leave this for another blog but it pisses me off how our military is often treated like second class by Washington and our lovely bureaucrats.

Ok done with the rant for now. Gonna sit here and watch the desert go by. Looking forward to the ocean.
Rusty-------Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry