I'm not really sure what made me think to write this post with the exception of one of the kids I spoke with at Little League Tryouts this weekend. He's a good looking kid with everything going for him. He's funny, athletic, and I'm sure the girls think he a good catch. He's just an all-around fun kid.
Him and I were standing next to the fence talking about everything from how school was going to how much he was looking forward to playing this summer. Then a few of his friends walked up. It was as if you had turned on a switch. His demeanor completely changed. He went from being this mature, well spoken young man, to this little punk kid with nothing good to say about anything. I couldn't believe it. Little does he know is that if he ends up on my team, I'm going to talk to him about it.
This got me to thinking of how important it is for people to "Belong". Belonging to something seems to give people more meaning, more self assurance. Is this a self esteem thing? I think maybe a little, but I also think we all have a yearning to be a part of something.
I remember when I first started racing bikes. A friend of mine who was much faster on a bike then I ever was, belonged to a team called Team Suisse down in Phoenix. To be a member of the team, all you had to do was pay your dues and get in on some races. The best part though was the cool jacket that you got that said "Team Suisse" on the back and your name on the front. Walking around as a 9th grader in a school that knew nothing of cycling, I felt like quite the stud with my jacket on. Guess how many races I participated in that year.............ONE!!!! and when your a young rookie on a bike team that has lots of fast people, guess what your job is as the rookie................you become the windbreak and the bottle fetcher for the fast guys. Any idea how many people at my school knew of my "slave" duties on the bike......not a single one:) . All my classmates knew was that I was part of a kick ass bike team down in the valley. That's all they would ever know. I belonged.......though it was very little, I belonged to something cool.
I believe that at a certain level, belonging to something makes one feel just a little more "complete". Whether it's a church group, an athletic team, extracurricular club, or even just a group of friends, belonging makes one feel a little more secure about themselves.
The battle comes when belonging to something adds or takes away from ones self esteem. One does not have to belong to anything at all to "be someone". "Being someone" comes from within and cannot or should not be taken away from anyone no matter what. Finding the strength to be strong in your own skin is something we should all be able to do.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that we all have our own little hidden fears, self esteem issues, etc. There is no need to put others on a pedestal, because all of us have our little "skeletons" that we battle everyday. You have to believe that you are just as good as the next guy or girl. I realize that for many, this is easier said than done, but you really are.
There's nothing wrong with "belonging" to something. More importantly though, I think there is nothing wrong with "not belonging". As a young person this fact can be very hard to accept. When you are young, belonging is everything. Chess club, dance team, football team, everyone young person wants to belong to some sort of group. If only we knew then what we realize as we grow older.
I'm not saying being a "loner" is cool and fun. I'm sure it would suck. What I am saying, is that even if you are a loner, you're really not. Everyone feels alone at some point. Heck, there are people that have a million so called "friends" but at the end of the day, they feel just as alone.
Everyone one has value. Everyone has a heart. It just takes special people to see those things sometimes. Someones "worth" should never be dependent on anyone else. Having high self-esteem or just feeling secure in your own skin is huge. You can see it in someones walk, the way they talk, they way they present themselves. Believing in yourself is huge!!
And since were putting on the weightloss challenge, I'll venture down that road.
What drives me crazy is when people say "I'm fine being big". Because you know they aren't. We all want to belong to the "thin" crowd, we all want to feel "beautiful". Who wouldn't want the bodies of Jennifer Anniston and Ryan Reynolds?
Tough love maybe, but it's a cop out. It's something you tell yourself to justify either how you eat, how you look, etc. I say this because there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you want to do better. You don't have to create some fake security blanket to justify things to the rest of the world.
I could say to myself, "I'm completely happy being my chubby hairy self". I'm sure if I said it long enough, I could convince myself of it. But I'm not. I'm not happy with it at all. So I try to do something about it. It's not a self esteem issue, I just want to look and feel better.
Another example. Let's say your a guy and your 300+ lbs. Possibly a little uncomfortable to go to the gym. When I'm at the gym, do you know who I admire most? That's right, the 300+ guy who is busting his ass to lose the weight that he someone gained over the years. Since starting this blog, I've tried to practice what I preach. In highschool (long time ago) I could bench 220 and squat almost 350. I can't come even close to either of those numbers now. Either of those weights would squish me like a bug. To be honest, that bugged me for a while. So much that if there was someone stronger than me in the gym (not hard to do) I would avoid the bench press and the squat rack. Now though, I don't care. Well I do, but I don't let it stop me. In fact one of the guys that now spots me (keeps the weights from crashing down on me), is one of my old students and has arms 3 times the size of mine. I've accepted the fact that trying is more important than avoiding.
Focus on the end goal. Not the NOW. I will never bench press 200#'s if I don't start bench pressing 135. You can't immediately go from a weight of 200lbs to 140. You're going to have to hit 199, 198, 197 etc. but focus on the 140!!!
Back to belonging...........believe in yourself. People of any worth will put more value in that then they will anything else. Don't let others dictate your worth, your heart, your desires. It's all up to you. You have a starting point and a goal to reach, usually with a whole lot of middle ground. Baby steps, but just keep stepping.
More important then belonging to something.................make others feel like they belong. It's how we all want to feel.
Him and I were standing next to the fence talking about everything from how school was going to how much he was looking forward to playing this summer. Then a few of his friends walked up. It was as if you had turned on a switch. His demeanor completely changed. He went from being this mature, well spoken young man, to this little punk kid with nothing good to say about anything. I couldn't believe it. Little does he know is that if he ends up on my team, I'm going to talk to him about it.
This got me to thinking of how important it is for people to "Belong". Belonging to something seems to give people more meaning, more self assurance. Is this a self esteem thing? I think maybe a little, but I also think we all have a yearning to be a part of something.
I remember when I first started racing bikes. A friend of mine who was much faster on a bike then I ever was, belonged to a team called Team Suisse down in Phoenix. To be a member of the team, all you had to do was pay your dues and get in on some races. The best part though was the cool jacket that you got that said "Team Suisse" on the back and your name on the front. Walking around as a 9th grader in a school that knew nothing of cycling, I felt like quite the stud with my jacket on. Guess how many races I participated in that year.............ONE!!!! and when your a young rookie on a bike team that has lots of fast people, guess what your job is as the rookie................you become the windbreak and the bottle fetcher for the fast guys. Any idea how many people at my school knew of my "slave" duties on the bike......not a single one:) . All my classmates knew was that I was part of a kick ass bike team down in the valley. That's all they would ever know. I belonged.......though it was very little, I belonged to something cool.
I believe that at a certain level, belonging to something makes one feel just a little more "complete". Whether it's a church group, an athletic team, extracurricular club, or even just a group of friends, belonging makes one feel a little more secure about themselves.
The battle comes when belonging to something adds or takes away from ones self esteem. One does not have to belong to anything at all to "be someone". "Being someone" comes from within and cannot or should not be taken away from anyone no matter what. Finding the strength to be strong in your own skin is something we should all be able to do.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that we all have our own little hidden fears, self esteem issues, etc. There is no need to put others on a pedestal, because all of us have our little "skeletons" that we battle everyday. You have to believe that you are just as good as the next guy or girl. I realize that for many, this is easier said than done, but you really are.
There's nothing wrong with "belonging" to something. More importantly though, I think there is nothing wrong with "not belonging". As a young person this fact can be very hard to accept. When you are young, belonging is everything. Chess club, dance team, football team, everyone young person wants to belong to some sort of group. If only we knew then what we realize as we grow older.
I'm not saying being a "loner" is cool and fun. I'm sure it would suck. What I am saying, is that even if you are a loner, you're really not. Everyone feels alone at some point. Heck, there are people that have a million so called "friends" but at the end of the day, they feel just as alone.
Everyone one has value. Everyone has a heart. It just takes special people to see those things sometimes. Someones "worth" should never be dependent on anyone else. Having high self-esteem or just feeling secure in your own skin is huge. You can see it in someones walk, the way they talk, they way they present themselves. Believing in yourself is huge!!
And since were putting on the weightloss challenge, I'll venture down that road.
What drives me crazy is when people say "I'm fine being big". Because you know they aren't. We all want to belong to the "thin" crowd, we all want to feel "beautiful". Who wouldn't want the bodies of Jennifer Anniston and Ryan Reynolds?
Tough love maybe, but it's a cop out. It's something you tell yourself to justify either how you eat, how you look, etc. I say this because there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you want to do better. You don't have to create some fake security blanket to justify things to the rest of the world.
I could say to myself, "I'm completely happy being my chubby hairy self". I'm sure if I said it long enough, I could convince myself of it. But I'm not. I'm not happy with it at all. So I try to do something about it. It's not a self esteem issue, I just want to look and feel better.
Another example. Let's say your a guy and your 300+ lbs. Possibly a little uncomfortable to go to the gym. When I'm at the gym, do you know who I admire most? That's right, the 300+ guy who is busting his ass to lose the weight that he someone gained over the years. Since starting this blog, I've tried to practice what I preach. In highschool (long time ago) I could bench 220 and squat almost 350. I can't come even close to either of those numbers now. Either of those weights would squish me like a bug. To be honest, that bugged me for a while. So much that if there was someone stronger than me in the gym (not hard to do) I would avoid the bench press and the squat rack. Now though, I don't care. Well I do, but I don't let it stop me. In fact one of the guys that now spots me (keeps the weights from crashing down on me), is one of my old students and has arms 3 times the size of mine. I've accepted the fact that trying is more important than avoiding.
Focus on the end goal. Not the NOW. I will never bench press 200#'s if I don't start bench pressing 135. You can't immediately go from a weight of 200lbs to 140. You're going to have to hit 199, 198, 197 etc. but focus on the 140!!!
Back to belonging...........believe in yourself. People of any worth will put more value in that then they will anything else. Don't let others dictate your worth, your heart, your desires. It's all up to you. You have a starting point and a goal to reach, usually with a whole lot of middle ground. Baby steps, but just keep stepping.
More important then belonging to something.................make others feel like they belong. It's how we all want to feel.
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