I spent most of this morning with a few of our patients over in Eagar. The best part of this job is getting to know your patients and often time their families as well. One gentleman I've gotten to know pretty good over the last few weeks. After we finished dealing with the real reason I was visiting him, we were able to talk a little about his family, his wife, and his past. He and his wife have been married for 63 years. They married when he was 18 and she was 16. Both of them grew up in Eagar and after spending their first two years in Eagar, spent the rest of their working lives in New Mexico. He worked for a natural gas company and I think she stayed home with the kids. In talking to both of them they both agreed that it wasn't always a smooth and easy marriage. They had their challenges just as the rest of us do.
Rewind 24 hours. Just the night before, I was pulling out of the gas station when this young couple was pulling in. They were young, maybe even teenagers and she was sitting as close to him as possible in this old beat up Ford pick up. She was all smiles and they were obviously joking about something.
Once I got on the road, I wondered........what are the challenges this young couple will face? If they aren't married, will they end up married? (yes these are the crazy thoughts I have while I'm driving). I think about it in regards to my own kids. Do you remember that first love, that first break up, then amazingly you find someone new and do it all over again. Are my kids going to go through all the ups and downs that we did?
The patient I mentioned earlier married his first love. He married her and they have remained married for 63 amazing years. I hear these kind of stories from our older patients all the time. Many of these wives waited at home while their husbands were off fighting in World War II. Their stories are just amazing. They committed.
What's the difference today? Will we be able to tell these same stories?
Until recently, I pretty much sucked at marriage. Everything else came first. Kids, job, hobbies, etc. My poor wife has tolerated my sorry butt for longer than anyone should have to. My wife has an unbelievable belief in family. It's something that I'm slowly learning and I sure hope my boys learn it as well. I don't remember where I heard this, but remember when you and your spouse were dating? You studied him/her. You wanted to know their likes and their dislikes. You wanted to know what made them happy. Why do we stop once we're married?
Today's world is not family friendly. TV, internet, none of it is family friendly. Even when I was a kid, we still ate at the dinner table. My brother, sister and I all played school sports, but I still don't remember not eating dinner together. I realize we all have super busy lives and believe me, I include myself in this next statement: shouldn't we all be working harder to put our families first? I think if we really look hard at our busy lives, it wouldn't take much to tweak a few things to make our families more of a priority.
We Americans have strayed so far away from our ideals that things are falling apart all around us and we don't even realize it. Money, job, entertainment, hobbies, have all taken a front row seats while our families sit in the back row.
My wife and I have improved a little on eating at the dinner table together, but we have a long way to go. It's a work in progress and we'll keep working on it.
Ok, I'm rambling again, but bear with me.
I say we ate at the dinner table as kids, but to be honest, we weren't a close family. My mom married my step day (I call him my dad) when I was three. He had two kids, my sister who is the same age as me and my little brother (who means the world to me, but I've never told him that) who is two years younger than me.
To say that my dad and I weren't close would be an understatement. I was a step kid and believe me, he made sure I knew it. It wasn't until I was in college that we actually started to grow a little closer. Like most moms, my mom is a saint. She's one of the best people I know. Like my grandma (her mom) she is one of the most giving people and the best grandmother my kids could ever ask for.
My mom tolerated a lot when were kids. My dad was far from a model husband or father. He worked hard and provided for us, but as far as some emotional attachment, there was none. While I think my dad loves my mom, back then I think she was a mother to his kids, and she cooked and she cleaned.
I don't say any of this to be disrespectful of my dad. It's just the way it was. He's come a long way in showing his love for both my brother and I and my mom (my sister is a whole other subject).
I mention my family because I wonder............is faith, integrity, honor, character something that is learned or do you just have it? My family never went to church. I was fortunate to end up with some really good friends in high school who turned me on to church. All through high school I went to church on my own. I think the only time my dad has set foot in a church is when he was married and when I was baptized. My mom went to church a few times, but it was never really on a regular basis.
As a kid, I spent a lot of time with my grandma. It was my grandma who taught me about prayer, who taught me about faith. Not in her words but in her actions. She had more faith than anyone I knew.
I honestly don't have a clue as to where I'm going with this. I think certain people are put in our lives to plant those seeds. My grandmother and my mom planted those seeds, it was up to me for something positive to grow out of them.
Plant those seeds in your own kids. Don't rely on your parents to plant those seeds in the minds of your kids. Step up and plant them yourself. Not many guys read this blog (at least I assume they don't) but if you're a dad, step up man! I've mentioned this before, but this past year was the first year I ever prayed in front of my family. I was scared to death, but have faith that you will be lead to do the right thing. If you're a husband, find some quiet time and remember all the reasons you fell for your wife. All those reasons are still there, we all just let life get in the way. I'm not preaching, I've been there. Don't take it for granted. Be thankful for all the little things you have. Did you just tuck in your children? Kneel beside their beds and thank God you have them. Do you have a spouse that puts up with all your crap? Be thankful for that! Most of us will not find better than what we have. Cherish what you have been given.
This is what makes the difference between my patients 63 year marriage and modern marriage. Cherish!! Faith!!! and most of all..........Time!!!
PS: I'm in deep doo doo if my wife reads this cuz she's going to remind me of it daily (which I need)
Rewind 24 hours. Just the night before, I was pulling out of the gas station when this young couple was pulling in. They were young, maybe even teenagers and she was sitting as close to him as possible in this old beat up Ford pick up. She was all smiles and they were obviously joking about something.
Once I got on the road, I wondered........what are the challenges this young couple will face? If they aren't married, will they end up married? (yes these are the crazy thoughts I have while I'm driving). I think about it in regards to my own kids. Do you remember that first love, that first break up, then amazingly you find someone new and do it all over again. Are my kids going to go through all the ups and downs that we did?
The patient I mentioned earlier married his first love. He married her and they have remained married for 63 amazing years. I hear these kind of stories from our older patients all the time. Many of these wives waited at home while their husbands were off fighting in World War II. Their stories are just amazing. They committed.
What's the difference today? Will we be able to tell these same stories?
Until recently, I pretty much sucked at marriage. Everything else came first. Kids, job, hobbies, etc. My poor wife has tolerated my sorry butt for longer than anyone should have to. My wife has an unbelievable belief in family. It's something that I'm slowly learning and I sure hope my boys learn it as well. I don't remember where I heard this, but remember when you and your spouse were dating? You studied him/her. You wanted to know their likes and their dislikes. You wanted to know what made them happy. Why do we stop once we're married?
Today's world is not family friendly. TV, internet, none of it is family friendly. Even when I was a kid, we still ate at the dinner table. My brother, sister and I all played school sports, but I still don't remember not eating dinner together. I realize we all have super busy lives and believe me, I include myself in this next statement: shouldn't we all be working harder to put our families first? I think if we really look hard at our busy lives, it wouldn't take much to tweak a few things to make our families more of a priority.
We Americans have strayed so far away from our ideals that things are falling apart all around us and we don't even realize it. Money, job, entertainment, hobbies, have all taken a front row seats while our families sit in the back row.
My wife and I have improved a little on eating at the dinner table together, but we have a long way to go. It's a work in progress and we'll keep working on it.
Ok, I'm rambling again, but bear with me.
I say we ate at the dinner table as kids, but to be honest, we weren't a close family. My mom married my step day (I call him my dad) when I was three. He had two kids, my sister who is the same age as me and my little brother (who means the world to me, but I've never told him that) who is two years younger than me.
To say that my dad and I weren't close would be an understatement. I was a step kid and believe me, he made sure I knew it. It wasn't until I was in college that we actually started to grow a little closer. Like most moms, my mom is a saint. She's one of the best people I know. Like my grandma (her mom) she is one of the most giving people and the best grandmother my kids could ever ask for.
My mom tolerated a lot when were kids. My dad was far from a model husband or father. He worked hard and provided for us, but as far as some emotional attachment, there was none. While I think my dad loves my mom, back then I think she was a mother to his kids, and she cooked and she cleaned.
I don't say any of this to be disrespectful of my dad. It's just the way it was. He's come a long way in showing his love for both my brother and I and my mom (my sister is a whole other subject).
I mention my family because I wonder............is faith, integrity, honor, character something that is learned or do you just have it? My family never went to church. I was fortunate to end up with some really good friends in high school who turned me on to church. All through high school I went to church on my own. I think the only time my dad has set foot in a church is when he was married and when I was baptized. My mom went to church a few times, but it was never really on a regular basis.
As a kid, I spent a lot of time with my grandma. It was my grandma who taught me about prayer, who taught me about faith. Not in her words but in her actions. She had more faith than anyone I knew.
I honestly don't have a clue as to where I'm going with this. I think certain people are put in our lives to plant those seeds. My grandmother and my mom planted those seeds, it was up to me for something positive to grow out of them.
Plant those seeds in your own kids. Don't rely on your parents to plant those seeds in the minds of your kids. Step up and plant them yourself. Not many guys read this blog (at least I assume they don't) but if you're a dad, step up man! I've mentioned this before, but this past year was the first year I ever prayed in front of my family. I was scared to death, but have faith that you will be lead to do the right thing. If you're a husband, find some quiet time and remember all the reasons you fell for your wife. All those reasons are still there, we all just let life get in the way. I'm not preaching, I've been there. Don't take it for granted. Be thankful for all the little things you have. Did you just tuck in your children? Kneel beside their beds and thank God you have them. Do you have a spouse that puts up with all your crap? Be thankful for that! Most of us will not find better than what we have. Cherish what you have been given.
This is what makes the difference between my patients 63 year marriage and modern marriage. Cherish!! Faith!!! and most of all..........Time!!!
PS: I'm in deep doo doo if my wife reads this cuz she's going to remind me of it daily (which I need)
No comments:
Post a Comment