Have you ever stopped to think how many things you could accomplish if fear wasn't ever a factor? Our fear of failure is what keeps us from ever taking that very first step. How many times have you ever failed to even attempt something on the account that you may just not succeed? When it comes down to it, what are we actually afraid of? If nobody was around to see us fail, would we worry so much about failing? I think not. We put so much weight on what others might think or how others may see us, that our confidence in ourselves suffers.
This is not something we are born with, but rather something we learn as we grow. Look at the bravery of a child. They could careless about what others think, there for they are always trying new things. We could all learn so much from just watching children. Their hearts and minds are so innocent and free of judgement. Isn't it possible for all of us to relearn some of that innocence? To be able to go through life not being judged, or better yet, not casting judgement.
Today, my cycling workout was supposed to be two different tests. I was supposed to ride at a cadence of 90 (90 rpm) while maintaining a heart rate of 140, then the second test was supposed to be ridden at the same cadence of 90, only this time I was supposed to maintain a heart rate of 165. Each of these tests were supposed to be about 15-20 minutes each.
I headed out from my office and headed down toward Whiteriver. I figured I would use the Whiteriver Hill for both portions of the test. It was cold on the way down with a pretty good head wind. I didn't feel great, but I didn't feel too bad either. It took me 40 minutes just to ride to the bottom of the climb. Later I will find that this was way too much of a warm up. My back was already starting to bother me so I figured I would start with the test requiring the higher heart rate of 165. This way my back would be just a tad bit fresher than if I waited to do this harder test last.
I pulled over at the bottom of the hill (some of you may know it as the Robert's Ranch Turn off) then started my run back up the hill. My average cadence is typically 97-100 so trying to ride with a cadence of 90 was a challenge in itself. Hitting and maintaining a heart rate of 165 was even a bigger challenge. About 3 minutes after hitting 165, my legs were already fried and my lungs were on fire. There was no way I was going to maintain this for 15-20 minutes. So after 6 minutes, I said screw it. I wasn't going to make it. I finished the other test with ease then had a good ride back to the office. Over all it was over a 90 minute ride which I needed, but I was frustrated with myself in that I couldn't complete the first test.
My reason for explaining this isn't to tell you about the test, but to tell you the response I got from my coach after sending him the data. In sending the 1st test, I gracefully titled it "Pathetic Attempt at 165 HR".
First, why did I title it this way? Probably because I wanted to belittle myself to my coach so he wouldn't have to do it. Second, the inability for a guy who has been riding as long as me not to be able to hold 165 is disheartening to say the least. So I sent it and just expected in return, some statement like, "we have some work to do" or "we need to pick it up a little".
Here's the response I got, "Rusty, it is not pathetic, there is no need for judgement here. It is what it is. Not being able to hold a HR is usually fatigue or sometimes a lack of focus. We will simply retest next week".
I'm sharing this, because of what I mentioned above about judging. I'm hard enough on myself and know I need to work on things. My coach didn't need to say anything. He said exactly the right thing.
As a father, husband, friend, employer, and a coach, I learned more from this example then I ever thought possible. The amazing power of a positive comment. The ability to have faith in the "unsaid".
I'm fairly hard on my boys when it comes to sports. I know this and I'm not always happy about it. Coby loves sports as much as I did when I was a kid. Ryan on the other hand doesn't. He plays all the sports but he's not one to want to practice to become better. In my dream world I realize I should just let Ryan find his way and he will learn that through practice, no matter what you are practicing, one becomes better. I should say nothing. I should let him fail if that's what it takes. Tough love. "The Unsaid". I will be there to catch his fall, but falling is how we learn.
I don't do this though. I want him to succeed so I give him a hard time about not practicing. Honestly, it's pathetic on my part. As he grows older do I want him to remember that I was the dad that supported him no matter what, or do I want to be remembered as the dad that pushed and pushed something that really wasn't desired in the first place? Of course I know the answer and believe me I've been working on that.
I don't want my boys to fear failure. I want them to embrace it. I let fear hold me back from so much and a part of that I believe was I didn't want to let my dad down. So it was easier not to even try then to possibly fail and let my father see my failure.
If we fail to fail, then we fail to learn. We fail to grow. What we do with each downfall is what makes all the difference in the world. The saying, "it's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up", is oh so very true.
For 2012 make it point to do something you have feared doing. Take that first step and don't give a crap about the outcome. Don't let the possible thoughts of others hold you back. Give it a shot. Either way, win or lose, successful or not, you will be glad you tried.
This is not something we are born with, but rather something we learn as we grow. Look at the bravery of a child. They could careless about what others think, there for they are always trying new things. We could all learn so much from just watching children. Their hearts and minds are so innocent and free of judgement. Isn't it possible for all of us to relearn some of that innocence? To be able to go through life not being judged, or better yet, not casting judgement.
Today, my cycling workout was supposed to be two different tests. I was supposed to ride at a cadence of 90 (90 rpm) while maintaining a heart rate of 140, then the second test was supposed to be ridden at the same cadence of 90, only this time I was supposed to maintain a heart rate of 165. Each of these tests were supposed to be about 15-20 minutes each.
I headed out from my office and headed down toward Whiteriver. I figured I would use the Whiteriver Hill for both portions of the test. It was cold on the way down with a pretty good head wind. I didn't feel great, but I didn't feel too bad either. It took me 40 minutes just to ride to the bottom of the climb. Later I will find that this was way too much of a warm up. My back was already starting to bother me so I figured I would start with the test requiring the higher heart rate of 165. This way my back would be just a tad bit fresher than if I waited to do this harder test last.
I pulled over at the bottom of the hill (some of you may know it as the Robert's Ranch Turn off) then started my run back up the hill. My average cadence is typically 97-100 so trying to ride with a cadence of 90 was a challenge in itself. Hitting and maintaining a heart rate of 165 was even a bigger challenge. About 3 minutes after hitting 165, my legs were already fried and my lungs were on fire. There was no way I was going to maintain this for 15-20 minutes. So after 6 minutes, I said screw it. I wasn't going to make it. I finished the other test with ease then had a good ride back to the office. Over all it was over a 90 minute ride which I needed, but I was frustrated with myself in that I couldn't complete the first test.
My reason for explaining this isn't to tell you about the test, but to tell you the response I got from my coach after sending him the data. In sending the 1st test, I gracefully titled it "Pathetic Attempt at 165 HR".
First, why did I title it this way? Probably because I wanted to belittle myself to my coach so he wouldn't have to do it. Second, the inability for a guy who has been riding as long as me not to be able to hold 165 is disheartening to say the least. So I sent it and just expected in return, some statement like, "we have some work to do" or "we need to pick it up a little".
Here's the response I got, "Rusty, it is not pathetic, there is no need for judgement here. It is what it is. Not being able to hold a HR is usually fatigue or sometimes a lack of focus. We will simply retest next week".
I'm sharing this, because of what I mentioned above about judging. I'm hard enough on myself and know I need to work on things. My coach didn't need to say anything. He said exactly the right thing.
As a father, husband, friend, employer, and a coach, I learned more from this example then I ever thought possible. The amazing power of a positive comment. The ability to have faith in the "unsaid".
I'm fairly hard on my boys when it comes to sports. I know this and I'm not always happy about it. Coby loves sports as much as I did when I was a kid. Ryan on the other hand doesn't. He plays all the sports but he's not one to want to practice to become better. In my dream world I realize I should just let Ryan find his way and he will learn that through practice, no matter what you are practicing, one becomes better. I should say nothing. I should let him fail if that's what it takes. Tough love. "The Unsaid". I will be there to catch his fall, but falling is how we learn.
I don't do this though. I want him to succeed so I give him a hard time about not practicing. Honestly, it's pathetic on my part. As he grows older do I want him to remember that I was the dad that supported him no matter what, or do I want to be remembered as the dad that pushed and pushed something that really wasn't desired in the first place? Of course I know the answer and believe me I've been working on that.
I don't want my boys to fear failure. I want them to embrace it. I let fear hold me back from so much and a part of that I believe was I didn't want to let my dad down. So it was easier not to even try then to possibly fail and let my father see my failure.
If we fail to fail, then we fail to learn. We fail to grow. What we do with each downfall is what makes all the difference in the world. The saying, "it's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up", is oh so very true.
For 2012 make it point to do something you have feared doing. Take that first step and don't give a crap about the outcome. Don't let the possible thoughts of others hold you back. Give it a shot. Either way, win or lose, successful or not, you will be glad you tried.
1 comment:
I'm thinking the fear of getting into the "uncomfortable" zone is greater than fearing failure. I might get hungry, suffer withdrawals, get hurt, etc etc etc. Stepping out of our comfort zone leaves us open to the unknown...vulnerable. It leaves us open to the opinions of others. Ultimately, yes, open to failure. If we stay where we are comfortable, we assume we can be sure of a more positive outcome. But it also means never knowing what you are fully capable of. Never tapping into your true power and potential.
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